Partner (2007, David Dwahan)

My first Bollywood movie. Idiotically simplistic script, a few nicely played musical numbers (annoying music though), and the most horrible constantly-gliding music-video camerawork. Are they all like this? The slickest, emptiest foreign film I’ve seen since Godzilla: Final Wars, as well as the loudest since Tetsuo The Iron Man adds up to an unpleasant viewing experience.

Apparently this was a scene-for-scene remake of Hitch with a bellybutton-pierced Indian dude in the Will Smith “love doctor” role. 42-yr-old Salman Khan has starred in almost 50 movies in the last 10 years, making him much more prolific than slacker Will Smith, but I’ll take Smith over the mugging Khan any day. Actually there’s no shortage of mugging in the movie so Khan’s antics hardly stand out except when he’s playing an 80’s gangster and lip-synching to “Pump Up The Jam”. There’s no way to look cool wearing a fur-lined coat and mouthing the word “pump! pump! pump!” in close-up, but he sure tries.

Similarly prolific Govinda is the dumpy friend, the screechy annoying “comic” role. You wouldn’t think he’d be such a good dancer from looking at him. Love interests Lara Dutta and Katrina Kaif have been less prolific only because they’re younger than I am.

One of the women has a kid, which is apparently the only detail not stolen from Hitch. There’s also a gay wedding planner (only character I liked) and an ineffectual gangster. I guess the movie fits the romantic comedy mold, though it didn’t seem too romantic.

On the plus side, I only saw the boom mic once. Even Katy didn’t like the movie (much).

UPDATE Aug 25: Yaaay, Salman Khan is going to prison today for hunting endangered gazelle.