Brandon's movie memory

I suppose this was probably just as bad as Man With The Screaming Brain, but for that one I was in the theater, forced to contemplate its obvious, unfunny crappiness on the big, big screen surrounded by unquestioning fans who just came to get an autograph. This one I could half-pay attention to while searching the internet for Silkworm bootlegs, a much better idea.

Not even half as good as Maniac Cop, which kinda sucked, this stars Bruce as the cult version of himself (washed-up loser asshole with huge ego). He’s kidnapped from the set of his latest awful horror sequel by an obsessed fan who wants Bruce to save his small town from a resurrected Chinese warrior demon, which he sorta does, even though the kid awoke the thing himself by stealing some stone that he doesn’t think to just put back. Bruce is an anti-hero throughout, killing townsfolk with his cowardice and incompetence.

Ted Raimi plays a bunch of characters, including a couple offensive stereotypes:

Directed, of course, by Mr. Campbell, along with the writer of Time Cop, producer of Barb Wire, and cinematographer of Command & Conquer (the videogame series!), and a bunch of actors whose secret hopes that this would be their big break into the movies were surely dashed when they saw the premiere.

I was hoping for another inventive cult-classic a la Brain Damage or writer Larry Cohen’s The Stuff, but I got your standard, straightforward, low-budget horror-thriller with no invention or visual flair whatsoever.

There’s even nothing special about the performances, which is a real crime considering it stars Bruce Campbell (between Evil Deads 2 and 3), Tom Atkins (the cop in Night of the Creeps!), Richard Roundtree (Shaft!) and, um, Laurene Landon (It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive). Robert (“oh, z’no!”) Z’Dar is the titular cop and Sheree North (starred in Frank Tashlin’s The Lieutenant Wore Skirts 30 years earlier) is his crazy caretaker.

A maniac cop is terrorizing the city! Cop Bruce Campbell is cheating on his wife with a fellow cop, but surprisingly this is okay with the movie and Bruce’s wife is killed instead, the killer (actually his smarter mother-figure who works at police headquarters and tells him what to do) attempting to pin the murders on Bruce. There’s a making-of-the-monster backstory, lots more people are killed, then Bruce busts out of jail and chases the maniac cop, who accidentally kills himself… but is he really dead??? Spoiler alert: no.

Bruce Campbell didn’t do it, nobody saw him do it, you can’t prove anything

Tom Atkins’ gun is a tiny film projector

Sam Raimi, reporter

The only novelty death: man’s face shoved in wet concrete

This was huge-faced Z’Dar’s big break, landing him the highly desirable role of Joe Estevez’s sidekick in Soultaker two years later