“I don’t like this place. It’s… depressing.”

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Umberto Lenzi (hilariously credited as Humphrey Humbert) made this seven years after Cannibal Ferox: Make Them Die Slowly. Fortunately he’d stop making movies soon, but not before he put out Demons 3: Black Demons. Produced by Joe D’Amato, the director of Cave Dwellers, Porno Holocaust and Anal Instinct. Unfortunately, I didn’t look any of this stuff up before watching the movie, or I might not have, because as the resumes of those men would imply, the movie suuuucks.

Opens with a girl named Henrietta in the basement, which is the only possible Evil Dead connection (movie was titled House 3 for its Italian release, to boost sales off the rep of the Evil Dead movies, titled House 1 & 2 in Italy. See also my sequel theories for the Japanese movie called House).

Boston, Italy:
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Movie is shot in Boston for some reason, and in English. A girl with a really strong Euro-accent (she was also in Tenebre) is named Martha. Someone mentions Simon LeBon, which would prove this is a 1988 movie. Everyone is into HAM radio (was that big in ’88?). There are creepy/annoying baby-talk noises on the repetitive carnivalesque soundtrack. Lightbulbs and bottles explode to build tension. Dialogue is sooo awkward, badly written and sometimes dubbed. Atmosphere is extremely un-scary, then when a character does something extremely stupid (like go back into the haunted house where her friends have just died to take a quick shower before she leaves), that music kicks in and gory death ensues.

“Maybe there’s something supernatural about this, guys.”
“I don’t know. All I know are computers.”

…and HAM radio:
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I may dislike Italian horror, but junk like this is leagues away from lamely-plotted but crazily awesome-looking movies like Inferno. Gonna have to choose my directors more carefully next time. Oh, but the actors suck too, and they’re nobodies, all except for Donald O’Brien (below), who has also appeared in Zombie Holocaust, Inglorious Bastards, Django Rides Again, a couple John Frankenheimer flicks and a Robert Bresson film! He’s the only actor who gets a screenshot – the others can bite me.

D. O’B:
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killer klown:
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would’ve sounded better with dolby:
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whichever P.A. pissed off the director had to wear the maggot mask:
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