Opens on a dark highway that looks suspiciously like the one in “incident on and off a mountain road” and maybe “pick me up”.

Stupid story that just gets more ridiculous as it goes. Guy moves into his grandparents’ old house with his family, finds scroll written by George Washington talking of eating children and carving forks out of their bones. Finds out it’s true and there’s an evil secret group devoted to keeping this secret and carrying on the eating/carving while wearing powdered wigs.

A seems-familiar-but-I-guess-he’s-not-after-all Saul Rubinek plays the professor friend who summons the swat team at the end. Our male lead starred in “8mm 2”, his wife is a cartoon voice actress named Venus, evil lead was in MST3k-featured “The Dead Talk Back”. Based on a short story by a guy named Bentley. Aaaand our director, a 70-year-old Hungarian, made “The Ruling Class” and “Species 2” (those are really his horror-master qualifications?) and is supposedly now filming his next movie in Atlanta.

MoH motifs: skinlessness (not really, but someone does get threatened).

Closing joke after the news gets out and Washington has been nationally discredited, “they switched georges”: