Stratified society in a post-apoc bunker, Jerzy Stuhr is a fixer who goes everywhere, sees everyone, and knows that the bunker is on the verge of physical collapse and the ark that’s supposed to arrive to save us all doesn’t exist. As great as the others I’ve seen by Szulkin.
All along I thought this was a remake, but it’s full of references to the events in the Bernard Rose movie, so it’s either part three or a rebooted part two (nobody remembers Farewell to the Flesh, which starred some girl from The Gate). Bookended with scenes of murderous cops, artist Morpheus (The Matrix 4) learns from Colman Domingo that he was the bonfire baby from the first movie, so he becomes the new Candyman, his girl Lysistrata (Chi-Raq) along for the ride. I guess every generation has its own Candyman, and somehow bees are involved. Victims include an art curator and his Joy Division girl, a new white lady reporter, and a bathroom full of high school girls. A real obvious movie, but so was the original, and I like this one’s look (and love the shadow puppetry) so I declare them both to be Pretty Good.
Yankee… hotel…
Virginia “V-Mad” Madsen (Highlander II: The Quickening) is researching urban legends with friend Kasi Lemmons (Vampire’s Kiss), who almost sinks the movie as the rational best friend trying to hold back V-Mad from her suicidal quest. Rose and his Roeg-ian DP get some good light and imagery, but between the Philip Glass score and Tony Todd’s voice, the soundtrack is the star. Movie seems to get going when she’s beaten up in the bathrooms by a fake Candyman, but soon afterwards she awakens in Vanessa Williams’s apartment with a dead dog, a missing baby, and a knife in her hand, she’s on her way towards becoming an urban legend herself, starting with her faithless husband Trevor (a cop in The Guardian). Much is made of this movie’s themes of racial violence and gentrification, but little is said about how the backstory murder scene has Ted Raimi in it.
Fake Candyman:
Real Candyman:
It’s All For You, Damien:
For years I’ve suspected I was wrong to hate this movie, which I saw in the dollar theater where they spray windex on the popcorn, and now can confirm it’s actually a good movie. They try hard to sink it, having two out of three scenes turn out to have been only a dream, which becomes tiresome, and including a haunted child (who Poltergeists and Shinings and Exorcists) and giving digital assistance to the claw effects, and evoking worst sequel #5 in the climax of a mom searching for her kid in dream world, and Craven learning to make everything All About Trauma, and Freddy looking like a Dick Tracy villain.
Linking the Elm Streets with the Scream series, Freddy interferes with the making of an Elm Street movie, killing the effects crew and tormenting Heather/Nancy and her kid. Englund and John Saxon play their actor selves, concerned friends of Heather, then gradually turn into their Nightmare selves, pulling her back into the movie-world. Since the kid is full of fairy-tale bedtime stories, Freddy gets wicked-witched again – after the silliness of the last few movies this one is trying to get darker and more serious with higher stakes, then she stabs Freddy in the eye with an eel and he fights back by extending his hundred-foot tongue.
Tony Leung is our buffoon young monk, taking over while Leslie was off filming Once a Thief. Jackie Cheung returns as the swordsman and Joey Wong as the ghost, but I can’t even tell if there’s character continuity (it does open with the title “100 years later”) or if they keep remaking part one with the same cast and different action scenes. Either way, all three movies are wonderful and mad.
Tony and his Master are hiding out at the dilapidated temple after greedy townspeople glimpsed their golden buddha, where Tony falls for Joey but has to keep his ghost gf a secret from his ghost-banishing master. Introduced giving each other sexy tattoos, Joey has a frenemy in Nina “Wife of Jet” Li, both of them in the power of the Tree Demon Priestess. Epic fights and aggressive praying ensue, but mostly… tongues. Evil ghosts have mile-long tongues, and the tongue-POV shots kill me every time. I guess Tony ascends from the earthly plane and becomes the new golden buddha to save them all.
Masterful mashup of different ghost movie premises, dead girl is forced to Monsters Inc before she Back to the Futures, joins a misfit team of has-beens and together they thrive.
After Alone, why not watch another girl get kidnapped by a serial killer and try to escape her fate. This time things are more complicated – we see other victims, there’s an attempted rescue, and the maniac is a boater who feeds captured surfers to sharks while filming them on VHS.
Surfer Zephyr (of Southbound) has a lovely time with new friend Moses, then she drives to the beach, gets kidnapped by a maniac and locked on his boat with fellow victim Heather. Really Good Guy Moses keeps searching for her, connects the clues, and arrives only to be kidnapped himself, then Z chews off her own thumb to escape from the cuffs Saw-style. Byrne is two for two, now I’ve gotta catch The Loved Ones. Everyone else who watches this already knows who villain Jai Courtney is – I’ve only seen him in Edward Furlong cosplay as a lead-in to Yoga Hosers.
Clooney is the bank robber who didn’t mean to kill anybody but absolutely will if they force his hand, Quentin is his idiot brother who kills as many people as possible and gets to suck whiskey off Salma Hayek’s feet. I would say the violence is distasteful, but I also just watched The Devil’s Rejects and Terrifier 2, so, shrug.
After they kidnap Harvey Keitel with daughter Juliette Lewis and son who doesn’t get to do much, and cross into Mexico to meet their contact at Salma’s vampire biker bar, fellow badass almost-survivors are Tom Savini and Fred Williamson. Between the shooting and cutting and action and makeup, all the craft is top-notch, so it’s a shame they throw in some dated morphing effects.
Rosenbaum raves: “if your critical horizons are low and you’re feeling in a nasty mood, you probably won’t be bored.”
Tito & Tarantula:
The future Machete:
Regarding my recent complaint that holding any two sticks together forms a holy-enough cross to ward off vampires, they reason that it worked for Peter Cushing.
Having watched a Laurel & Hardy short this year and checked out some Three Stooges shorts, might as well revisit these guys, who I haven’t seen since I was eight. I can remember Abbott is the straight man from the “Hey Abbott!” cries in Looney Tunes, but in person he’s got nothing going for him except the name – I’d trade him in for a second Costello.
Hey Ma:
Costello is an idiot delivery boy bringing crates to an upcoming House of Horrors (this part clearly inspired the first half of Salem’s Lot). He’s stalked by both Dracula and the Wolfman, while hotgirl Lenore wants his smooth pliable brain for her Frankenstein. It’s all tiresome and bad except for the use of animation in the vampire bat transformations, which actually look smoother than the CG assists in From Dusk Till Dawn.
