Plays outwardly like a spy drama – armed cyborgs in sunglasses travel to exotic places trading data to rebels – but everyone here is terrible at spying, repeatedly saying all their motivations to each other. Even when alone, this guy speaks his thoughts out loud, to the delight of the bosses who’ve bugged his nervous system Innerspace-style. But delight is the wrong word – everyone is using their direct-to-video serious-voice, with the only fun coming from the cool prosthetic effects. Brion James shows up, since this is a wannabe Blade Runner, and you think finally some class in this joint, then he plays his whole part in a German accent.

After a fun gun-shootin’ waterslide Alex is saved by a little creeper who then knocks him out (Merle Kennedy of Night of the Demons 2, she later gets to bazooka Brion). I paid attention to the wrong side characters, was looking up some guy (Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat) who only lived about one minute, and missed Jackie Earle Haley and Thomas Jane. The lead baddie is Jack Deth of Trancers, a cyborg who replaced the police commissioner I think. Nude Girl Cyborg Julian was Deborah Shelton, who got drill-killed in Body Double. I idly wondered if Pyun cast a French-accented kickboxer as the lead (“Alex”) to rip off JCVD’s Cyborg… but Pyun made Cyborg too. The movie does have three guys at once jumping out windows whilst firing machine guns, so, no complaints.

AMC Theaters 1200 AD (2023, Damon Packard)

Heavily AI-assisted parody of the Nicole Kidman AMC ads, a grudgingly multiplex-supporting voiceover with face-melting visuals.


The Man Who Couldn’t Miss Screenings (2023, Damon Packard)

Both better and worse than AMC Theaters. It’s mainly a slo-mo “Comfortably Numb” music video, toggling between a laptop dude arguing with his angry wife about the importance of screenings and a a street scene where an electric car has burst into flames, with an Albert Pyun tribute postscript. For me, who has not overdosed on 2023 AI imagery, the mutant characters and text, everything looking like a botched render, it’s all aesthetically interesting.


Pool Sharks (1915, Edwin Middleton)

Two absurd men fight at a picnic, Proto-WC-Fields vs Checkered Suit Guy, leading to a game of stop-motion pool. Checkered Suit Guy might’ve been Billy West sideman Bud Ross.


The Golf Specialist (1930, Monte Brice)

A house detective’s hotwife flirts with every guy then her husband beats them up. She goes to watch WCF golf – he never hits the ball, being upstaged by his idiot caddy. WCF with his worst mustache yet, thriving from here out in the sound era, drawing laughs by being mean to children and dogs. Hotwife Shirley Grey went on to costar with Lugosi in Hammer’s first horror film, The Mystery of the Mary Celeste.


The Barber Shop (1933, Arthur Ripley)

Fields in his element, muttering comic insults at people. He encourages his pun-loving young son, and collects two upright basses as setup for some late prop humor. A wanted bank robber (Cocoanuts flimflam man Cyril Ring) comes in to crank up the drama, not that we needed suspense when we’re getting lines like “I belong to the bare-hand wolf-chokers association.”


The Pharmacist (1933, Arthur Ripley)

Sound is awful on this one, and rude things are done to a cockatoo. Another crime story / police chase into the shop, whole place gets shot up. Unsatisfying ending involving the daughter’s boyfriend. Maybe I watched one too many of these in a row. Daughter’s boyfriend Grady Sutton is maybe the only person to appear in both My Man Godfrey and Rock & Roll High School, the daughter would go on to play “Saloon Floozie” in a Marlene Dietrich movie.

Will Sloan in Screen Slate:

As with the Marx Brothers, Fields’s work enjoyed a revival in the ‘60s and ‘70s among college kids who took him as an anti-authoritarian hero. He has been less visible in recent years, but he would have been well known to the writers of shows like Saturday Night Live, SCTV, Late Night with David Letterman, and The Simpsons in their most important years. If his contemporary presence is indirect, it is still prevalent.


Also watched in January: