A teacher attempts to go on holiday, but unfortunately he is the dumbest, drunkest idiot in all Australia. He is Gary “U.S.” Bond of Growing Pains (the Hammer horror, not the comedy series), a Blind Faith fan who hates his job and hates ordinary fuckin’ people. During a train layover in a thriving town, he gets sucked into a game of high stakes heads-or-tails and loses all his vacation money so has to look for work instead of proceeding to the shore. But some locals are very happy to host the stranger and keep him drunk. White-suited Tim’s daughter Janette wants to make out with the newcomer, but he throws up instead. Finally he settles for having a bromance with Donald Pleasance, the only other intellectual in Australia. He never actually wakes in fright, but with twenty minutes left he wakes in disgust. Gary escapes, but continuing to be an idiot he accidentally hitches a ride to the town he just left, then thinks he has to kill Pleasance, or maybe himself. Not a horror movie, it turns out (unless you count the scene where a bunch of kangaroos are shot and stabbed to death), just another in a long line of Australian movies about how it brutally sucks to live in Australia.
How can you hate a country whose only features are cockatoos and drinking?
























