Everyone loves actress Nana (the Whirlpool of Fate orphan, and the director’s wife), including Count “Dr. Caligari” Muffat, horse breeder Count “Robert Macaire” Vandeuvres, and Macaire’s useless nephew Ray (The Three-Sided Mirror). Nana, in turn, likes whoever she can use to get ahead, and that’s Muffat, who gets her the starring role in a play but can’t stop her from being laughed off the stage. In the end, everyone in this movie who acted normal about anything was spared – unfortunately that’s nobody.

Nana with her Count:

Somehow Nana is even worse as a courtesan, needing to ham up every interaction as if she’s still onstage. If you watched this and The Odyssey back-to-back, you’d have to conclude from the crowds of suitors that all men except Matt Damon are pathetic. Nana’s three suitors are in a desperation spiral, and it’s tough to keep track – you tell yourself at the beginning “the Count is the guy with the preposterous mustache,” but there are multiple Counts and a preponderance of bad mustaches. The horse breeder tries to throw a race to gain enough cash to win the girl. When that fails he drinks poison then falls down, starting a fire that burns up his horses. The nephew is overwhelmed by how pathetic this all is and unalives himself with Nana’s scissors. Muffat’s wife left him long ago, is now depressed about her life with an annoying playwright. Finally Nana gets smallpox and I lost track of whether she took the count with her.

Nana with Horse Guy:

Based on a Zola novel that gets remade every decade or so. The Silent Film Music Shuffle Mix was played, and Dirty Three’s Ocean Songs came out the winner.

Nana with the annoying nephew: